Welcome to Laradiji’s LinP|RinP. Thank you for clicking. Eshe O, I’m an African American Nigerian lifestyle vlogger who loves living a peaceful life, and I love talking about situations we might find ourselves in that need peaceful endings. In this blog post, I’ll be talking about the women of the household and their treatment in the workforce here in the States and back home in African Nigeria. It’s November’s Living in Peace episode or the LinP section of my channel where I talk about peaceful living in this chaotic and dramatic world, how I see it and how I live it under the umbrella of Living a peaceful life. This section is the main section of my channel so if you’re all about living a peaceful life as well, then this channel is for you.
Watch out for next month’s LinP episode on importance of doctors in our societies, I’ll be talking about what they bring to the table in terms of how they serve their communities. So watch out for that episode and hopefully next yr, I’ll start inviting some specially selected personalities to grace the show. If you’re already subscribed, then you’re a very important part of this show’s family and you’re humbly welcome back to this channel. If you’re new here, and would love to join us LinP|RinPers, then do subscribe by hovering over the hearts in the right lower corner and click the subscribe button. Do check out the other sections of Laraddiji as you’re inspired to do so after watching this video. So back to today’s topic, Mothers in the workforce, how it was and how it is today and how you can live it peacefully.
Why would a woman say, oh let me go to work?
Back in the day, in the time when my parents were growing up, over 50 plus yrs ago, a lot of women weren’t given chances to even go to school, so as the yrs went on, and people were getting educated, many more girls were being sent to school so after they’re done with their degrees, they get married and then their men, husbands I mean, forbid them to work because they don’t want women to be ‘controlling’ them in the household. So all the money for educating such women will now go to waste? they wouldn’t use their degree? or use their brains to contribute something in the society? So, women go to work because they have the degree to do so, they have the education to do so, they’re creative, and they want to fulfill a need as well. Look at me for instance, I’m working because I’ve been trained to do so.
What is the background of working in the household and who’s ‘supposed’ to do it in the first place?
Depending on where you are, women will be ‘allowed’ to do certain things and unless we change the narrative ourselves, we’ll ‘let’ society dictate what we can and can’t do. Back in African Nigeria, I won’t speak for the whole of Africa, men are ‘supposed’ to be the bread winners because ‘that’s how its always been, men go to the farm or job place, and bring home produce or money, while the women stay home and watch over the kids and take care of the house, this mentality is true for those who were born more than 50yrs ago. However here in the States, to make ends meet, both partners might need to work and actually, both of them are working to make ends meet and then when kids are involved as in, when the wife starts giving birth to kids, a crucial decision must be taken, especially if the woman makes more money, either to get a nanny and pay boat load of money or take a pay cut and wife stays home and cares for the family. Take myself for instance, at this time while the kids are growing up, my husband and I decided after communicating our reasons for not wanting to get outside help that we would both pitch in to caring for our children by ourselves and since I worked the night shift on some nights, it worked out for our family. Now, will this same arrangement work for everybody? Certainly not, its up to you to have that conversation respectfully with each other and figure where you both you can meet.
Who benefits if and when women start working in the household?
First of all, in a supportive environment where she’s ‘allowed’ to work, the woman will benefit on one side because, she’s contributing to what comes into the home, she can take care of herself and not be a burden or liability to her husband, she’s smart and creative, she has a say, she’s being heard and most of all she’s happy hopefully, regardless if she has a job or not, but it helps. Now does this mean every woman will want this? Maybe not, sometimes I wish I was home 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week but I’d be lying if I say I wouldn’t miss working even if it’s just to be out of the house and be balanced instead of being cooked up in the house day in and day out managing the home which actually is another full time job with no pay, no sick time and no vacation time unless you can afford it. The kids definitely benefit out of the arrangement, the kids want their mom all the time, they’re pooping, they want you there so definitely the kids benefit from your presence. Let’s not forget your hubby, like when I tell my husband I’m going to work the night before, he starts missing me when he knows I’m about to leave.
Who suffers when mummy goes to work?
So now mummy goes to work, she still has to deal with A) inequality of pay, for doing the same exact thing as men, because women are still being paid less at some jobs. so she suffers herself when she goes to work in that sense b) the spouse also suffers to a degree. So when wifey is not home, to cook, to care for the kids, for companionship, to cater, in that sense, the spouse suffers. c) the marriage can also suffer, sometimes, when women work in a relationship, in a marriage, there can be a strain in that marriage, this can sometimes lead to more stressful adults in the family. d) children can suffer, in the sense that if daddy and mummy are not home, They’re being cared for by outsiders, they miss alone time with parents and bonding is less e) maternity leave, another way women suffer, they’re given 6-8 wks paid leave if they give birth to children while working. This is not a complaining video but just to state facts, as a Nigerian and as many Nigerians will watch this video, we are very grateful people especially if we’re given opportunities that we might otherwise not get in my home country. I did travel out of Nigeria at a young ago so I don’t know much about the working culture and community back home in regards to working women, I would love to research first hand God willing if it’s in the cards for me.
Lara, so what about #me too movement?
What about it? My husband wanted me to say a few words on this topic. In general, I’m not commenting any specific sexual misconduct or assault case All I will say is that women need to wise up and be content with where they are and if they’re ever given the choice to move ahead in life by sleeping with someone, just say no. God will open other bigger doors for you. The doors men will open for you by having relations with you is far more disturbing and problematic and will actually strip you of your integrity in the future and pls be patient for Gods open doors. I hope men and women have learnt a lot of lessons from the different cases in this movement. If you’re a lady or a guy and you’re making doors for yourself and you’re opening then with your hard work and sweat, may God bless your struggles and give you breakthroughs in thousand folds. lol
Women have come a long way, you agree? many moons ago, most women were housewives, they had babies and took care of the house, there are still housewives today by choice . I remember when I was in school. I took home economics. I wish that was still being taught today in our schools and for both boys ‘and’ girls because it really helps if boys are educated on keeping a home as well, this shouldn’t fall only on the woman. Marriage encompasses home management, and usually it’s not taught, you’re supposed to know it magically or through what you’ve seen from your family while you were growing up. If a partner is not a good manager, financially, socially, educationally, spiritually, familially, if that’s a word, it’s not. That marriage might be in trouble. It’s very important for people to know where their strengths are and continue to study themselves to better their weaknesses. It is also important to ask these critical questions and observe behaviors that foster growth during courtship and weed out partners that don’t offer value in the relationship. From housewives to business owners, now women can be breadwinners, CEOs, head of productions, Head of companies and so much more as you saw in Davido’s Wonder Woman.
Back in the day, women were home and available for their kids 24hrs a day 7 days a week, while the husband was the full time bread winner who barely had time for the kids except on weekends during which the time with the family would still be limited. Nowadays or maybe I should say here in the States and even in some African countries like South Africa as I researched which is surprising actually, because I think pigs will fly before you see men taking care of their kids in Africa, there are nannies and house help men would rather hire than do the woman’s job, that what it would be called, pls prove me wrong, I’d love to read your comments, but there are men, strong men, handsome men, respectful men, educated men and creative men now staying home, yes by choice with their kids in hopes of balancing the stress of work and family life especially if the wife is making the bulk of the income, because believe it or not, more women are getting educated nowadays and they’re holding high paying positions in their respective place of work.
So what happens is, depending on where you are and depending on both partners income and how many children you have, the husband can decide to stay home with the kids instead of shedding out hard earned money to a stranger all while killing two birds with a stone, raising children that have their parents around and having a happy home. It’s a very critical decision for a man to decide to be a stay at home dad and even if it is for a period of time, or an extended period of time, this decision should not be taken lightly, it requires a lot of communication, and lot of respect. This does not mean that the man is not masculine enough, but I feel it actually shows how deep the love for his wife, his kids and his family is. Takes me back to how we raise little boys, both young girls and young boys need that education on how to take care of the home so that even in times of crisis, when the “for worse” part of marriage shows up , the man can take the reigns of the family’s horse and not ride it into the bush when mummy is indisposed, or travels.
At the end of the day, this is what becomes important, to the women, before you enter into a relationship or a lifelong commitment like marriage, i) ask your potential mates what their stances are on these issues I’ve raised. Give circumstantial situations and see their reactions and if their answers are ok with you then you know. Us women are being tested before men commit to us, test them in your ways as well before you commit as well, to see if your potential guys are marriage materials, and if a man tells you cant work if he marries you and you have a Phd and desire to work even if after marriage, don’t enter into that union thinking you’ll change his mind unless he himself tells you there’s room for that, use your head, not your heart. ii) Another thing you want to do and I think is the most important of all is to be very respectful in your communication about matters like this, our husbands are the head of the household, whether you make more or less than him in income, be humble, be respectful, be polite, be patient, be courteous, be supportive and most importantly be submissive. Alright we’ll end it here.
Thank you very much for watching this informative episode. God willing, we are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs. Let’s not waste any of that precious time on matters that don’t help us positively in some way. You have a decision to make, if not now, maybe later, the ball of your womanhood is in your court. Ask questions if you have any, don’t hesitate to leave a comment as well. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram @Laraddiji Subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss the many more sizzling topics to come. Please, let’s love our neighbors as ourselves and remember, to Rest.In.Peace, we all need to be Living.In.Peace. Stay blessed. Bye bye. You’ll see me in my next one.