Yay!! It’s march!!! And I’m so excited to be back here, the year is moving right along and I hope you’re ticking those to-do boxes. Welcome to my blog, I‘m Laraddiji. If you’re watching for the first time, you’re most specially welcome. Today, it’s all about Living in Peace, this is the main section of my blog? Feel free to explore the other sections after this, there’s tons of information that might speak to you. Check them out, they’re getting better and juicier if I do say so myself. Now, we can get into today’s topic. It’s a long one, but I promise, you’ll be entertained all through. I’ll be talking about relationships for this week’s episode. So let me ask you, Are you in a relation-ship or on a relation-wreck as in wreckage, as in floating debris, as in, a doomed relationship, which can still be saved by the way?
Whether you like it or not, we have relationships with everything around us, with our beds, our pillows, with the air we breathe when we first wake up, with the water we take our showers with, with the fire we used to make that hot water to get our first cup of tea or coffee in the morning. We also have relationships with everyone around us, our families, our friends, casual or romantic relationships. We have relationships with the stores we patronize, the schools we attend, the religious places we go, and the financial institutions we frequent and many more. But what exactly is the meaning of a relationship? It is the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected, as defined by google dictionary. Relation however is the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected; a thing’s effect on or relevance to another.
The relationship we have with inanimate objects depend on our choices alone, for instance, I can choose to sleep on my bed or sleep on a couch, the bed and couch have no choice, it can’t say, get off me. However the relationship we have with people, groups or institutions are dependent on both sides making decisions, a person can choose to love another person while that other person has a choice as well to reciprocate that love or not. To understand a concept, sometimes you have to break it down into sub groups to make it easier to understand, In Laraddiji’s simple understanding of things, and of the word relationship, I’ve broken it down into relation-ship. I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m comparing a relation-ship to that of a relation-wreck, so here we go.
A ship has a Captain, they are in charge of the operations of sea vessels, such as cruise ships, fishing boats, tugboats, freighters, barges or ferry boats. “When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” said Donald Miller. Who’s driving or steering or whatever you do with a ship to make it move, who’s the captain of a relationship? In a relationship, there’s usually someone who unconsciously takes on this role. In others, it might be s hared but there’s at least someone in charge, otherwise there’ll be a sort of confusion when it’s time to take on a challenging task. *Who’s the boss in this relationship? As a Christian and a believer, Christ is our ultimate Captain or Boss if you will and decisions are made based on the level of the relationship you have with him, you see? That’s another relationship, a spiritual one. In a relationship, you can have a boss, kind of, you know, they make most of the decisions. *Should there be a captain in this relationship? I totally believe there should be a captain especially in a relationship, you might not know right away who it is but as you go along, you’ll realize who’s always better to be in charge, to keep the ship afloat. I always tell my husband that I’ll take care of some things and in other areas, I tell him to take charge. I feel women do a better job at being in charge than men because they’re generally more intuitive while men sometimes take their time in making decisions you know, depending on the situation. *Who makes the decisions in this relationship? Culturally and religiously, men are known to be in charge and therefore they’re supposed to make all decisions for the family but we thank God things are changing, and women can make decisions in the family as well, as long as there’s a collaboration going on, I believe that’s the whole point of marriage anyway or being in a relationship at all. Each individual’s voice should be heard and then a decision can be made, not one-sided at all. *Who checks the captain in this relationship? Whoever is not the captain should check the other and it is to be respectfully done. So that your captain license will not be revoked. There are people in relationships who have abused their captainship either in issues of trust or in issues of loyalty, so if you’re known to be the boss of your relationship, pls take your job seriously.
A ship has lifeboats, it is purposed for use in emergencies and is usually more than one depending on the number of people on board. “You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” Frederick Buechner said that. In a relationship, a couple might think it’s all about them, but there are actually many people attached to them, in laws especially on both sides, it is American to be about only your immediate family, however, us Africans know the importance of the extended family in a relationship and therefore makes sense to be ready for an emergency at any time. *Who and what are your lifeboats in this relationship? Lifeboats can be physical in nature such as a physical person that can help you in the time of trouble. Lifeboats can also be spiritual or financial in nature. Spiritual in the sense that, when our relationship is in trouble, we can call on God to help us… not friends, not parents and definitely not co-workers. Financially in the sense that, hopefully you have a savings account for emergencies. In a disaster while on a ship, the people can get into a lifeboat for safety, the same goes in a relationship, financially, a lifeboat or two should be made available, remember its not all about you guys. You as an individual couple might be a lifeboat for someone else. So it’s a smart idea be ready for emergencies. *Do you have any lifeboats in this relationship? The answer to this is either yes or no, if you do, very good, if not, it’s a good idea to start mending friendships and fixing broken bridges. *When doodoo hits the fan, who do you fall back on? Siblings can fall back on each other, couples can fall back on each other, families can fall back on each, depending on the type of relationship you have with the other party, that might determine how much of a lifeboat size they’ll be to you. *Who are your advisers/advisors? This falls under maybe social lifeboats, people that you are not related to that can have a say in your relationships, some have friends, some have professional assistance, psychologists, psychiatrist, counsellors, pastors and so on: these people can and do advice or guide peoples’ thinking into hopefully making right choices in the situations of life. *Savings, do you have any in this relationship? This falls under finances, having a financial lifeboat… money they say is the root of all evil but it can also solve a lot of problems. Especially in a relationship, financial management can be a huge topic that can wreck a relationship. So to avoid a wreck, it is wise to have like an account for emergencies, so when you see your ship ready to hit an iceberg, you have lifeboats of money to take you to safety.
A ship can be directed, that round steering wheel is not for fun. If a ship wants to go from point A to B, it will need to be steered. “No road is long with good company.” Turkish Proverb. What’s steering your relationship, is it money? is it love? is it kids? Let’s dive into this one. *Do you have a goal, or goals in your relationship? If you want to travel for the first year or two of your relationship, that’s a goal, and you’ll be steering your relationship in that direction. If it is completing your education in whatever capacity you’re at, then that’s steering your relationship in that direction, if it is having children, that’s also steering. *Are those goals short or long term in your relationship? This goal trips you’re taking or embarking on, are they short trips or long trips, think about it, if they’re short, you’ll get to your destination sooner and the risks will be lower and you might be able to accomplish them, however, there might be storms in the way of achieving longer trips, as in long term goals, so always be prepared individually and as a couple on what your goals are and how you want to accomplish them. *Are these goals to be achieved individually or as a couple or as a whole family? Let’s take for instance, I have an independent short term goal of saving $100 a month for my personal use. As a couple, we can have a long term goal of saving $1000 for the year and as a whole family, mine and that of my husbands, we could be planning a big cruise trip that’ll cost some more money, does that make sense? *How do you move forward in a relationship? I don’t think ships can reverse and if so, I learnt they only do so in emergencies. So, in a relationship and in life in general, the goal is to always move forward. Reversing should only be last last resort. *It takes time to get to the destination of trust. To attain anything good in life, it all takes time, nothing happens by magic, the same goes in relationships, to get to the destination of trusting a relationship, there will be storms, there will be strong winds, there will be disagreements, there will be arguments guaranteed but at the end of the day, it’ll strengthen the trust bond that you both will share. So pls, in whatever relationship you’re in, in times of arguments, disagreements, and even distrust, just know that this will deepen and strengthen the love you have for each other, if only you can endure.
A ship has an engine or sometimes multiple engines for different purposes, to basically create motion by turning the ship’s propellers through the water.
“We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” Joyce Meyer said that one. When compared to a ship, a relation-ship needs an engine as well, a motivator, a source of energy that keeps it going and growing. Communication is a big part of a relationship and I want to consider it as the major source of energy for a relationship to survive just like diesel or fuel to a ship. *What keeps you guys going and moving in your relationship? Lack of conflict might keep some people together or even comfortability. If it aint broke, don’t fix it. *Is it your genuine love for each other? For some, the genuine love for each other is what keeps the relationship going, regardless of what’s happening in it. They might be broke, they might not have children, they might be all about their career but their true love for each other keeps them going. I wish I had an example of a couple like that, there’s some in Hollywood and they would’ve been together for years, if you know one, pls comment. *Are the kids the engine in the relationship? For some, they are, because they believe that the kids are the priority of that relationship even if it is broken or not. *Is money the engine in this relationship? For some, money is the engine that keeps their relationship going. This is very rampant in what you see in Hollywood, hello (prenups)but it happens in regular peoples lives as well, just not on a larger scale. *Is the relationship feeding off of the physical aspects of its partners? For some it is and I’ll just leave that there. Well, some women like the physicals of their partners and therefore if he’s looking good, they’ll stay, but if he’s loosing his hair or loosing his muscles, they might not stay in that relationship. Same goes for women, this is partly why some men cheat, if the woman is not looking as thin or as cute or as put together as she once was, they start loosing interest forgetting that, the bimbo outside the relationship will eventually age too. In a ship where the physical aspects of your partner is the engine, do you think that relationship will last? Time, age and gravity will always wins, unless you get Botox and all these chemicals put into your system but in the end, even that cant win.
A ship is purposeful, it is either used to get people, materials or containers from a piece of land to another and it can also be a vessel for fun as in cruise ships. A relationship between two people can be purposeful as well, it can either be to lead to a marriage or a partnership. Today, I’ll only focus on the one that ends in a marriage. *Why did you even start this relationship in the first place? There are many purposes why any man would want to engage a woman in a relationship, to grow, to learn, to heal, for companionship, for love, and for some to have kids to keep the family name going. *Is your partner’s outward appearance a reason to start a relationship? For some, that might be the reason. I’ve said it before as the engine, so, if outward appearance is the main purpose of a relationship, then, that might be hard to maintain in the long run. However, some people make it work, take for instance personal trainers, as a couple, they might decide to own a gym to train their customers, however, they have to be invested in taking care of their outward appearances. *Is your relationship for financial gain? Especially when there’s a lot of money involved, like if the partner came into money through his/her dead parents, trust fund monies and others, some relationships have been started for financial gain, now, you can guess what will happen when that s money runs out. *Is your relationship solely for your Security in life? Ok, let’s tackle this one. Security in the sense that you won’t have to worry too much about the necessities of life? I remember growing up, they’ll tell you, marry a lawyer, doctor of engineer so that you won’t suffer. But who says specializing in other areas cannot secure you financially? So of course like that lagbaja song goes, baby tani Ko fewa, sugomu, imu lo yi siwa, Elejowewe, Alabere, Alajo somolu, Tabon tabon, Security In a relationship should not only be based on how much money is available but in potentials, aspirations, dreams and ultimately love, truly, the journey might not be a rosy one, however you will have plenty of stories to tell. Security sometimes come in after facing adversities together. *is your relationship for growth, physically, spiritually, socially, academically, intellectually, and all other allies? It should be. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you’re both not benefitting something positive? What’s the point of being in a relationship if only one of you is ‘allowed’ to grow, or heal, or succeed? A successful relationship understands that the partners involved are in a partnership and not in any form of slavery. Let’s take a simple look at this scenario: A small shop, can only one person handle the register, the stocking of the shop, the cleanliness of the shop, the ordering of the supplies, bathroom cleaning, the opening and locking up of the store? Of course not, the owner would hire one or two more people to do certain tasks to keep the business moving. The same goes in a relationship, leading to a marriage, some men might be looking at a potential mate if they are team players or lone rangers and vice versa. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Oprah Winfrey said that.
A ship has an anchor which is a heavy metal device attached to a ship or boat by a cable and it is usually thrown overboard to hold the vessel in a particular place during storms or heavy winds by digging into the bottom of the ocean. In a relationship, what can an anchor mean, and why would we ever want to place a relationship in a particular place? An anchor can actually have positive and negative meanings in a relationship. In the negative light, an anchor could be third parties to your relationship, who actually do not want your relationship to thrive and they might give you advice that can hurt or damage your relationship without you even realizing it. They could be your friends, your co-workers, some could even be your family members, trust me, choose them wisely or listen to them wisely, or not at all, just do you. In the positive light, in a relationship, if you’re going through a rough patch, your anchor should be people who are rooting for your relationship to work not those who are ready to help you tear it down. These could be the elderly in your family who can give you relationship advice or trusted clergy if that’s who you know. In a Christian relationship, our anchor is Jesus, when an impeding storm is about to hit our relationship, and we sincerely ask God to take control, he definitely will so that that relationship will not hit the rocks and be disintegrated. “You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” Epicurus said it. You get?
Now that we know what a relationship entails a little bit better with the analogy of a ship, let’s see if you’re in a relationship or a relation-wreck. What does a ship have that a wreckage doesn’t? First of all, a wreckage is the remains of something that has been badly damaged or destroyed. Will a relation-wreckage need a captain? It won’t, it is not based on any good or solid foundation, most likely blind in nature, so the parties do whatever they like. Will a relation-wreckage have lifeboats? There’s not enough room on a wreckage for its partners, talk less of having a lifeboat. The parties are so into themselves that there’s not enough room to think about emergencies. Will a relation-wreckage stand the test of time in times of trouble, in high winds or in storms? A wreckage usually drifts on water and therefore is in the mercy of the direction of the water. In a relations-wreckage, you’re at the mercy of whatever is going on in your life at that moment. Will a relation-wreckage not have any emergencies? A wreckage usually is a result of an emergency, and at that time, all you’ll need to find is another ship to save you or for you to be fish-food. The same goes for a relation-wreckage, this partnership is usually as a result of a broken relationship because as we have said, it is a result of a ship-wreck. A relation-wreckage does not have an engine, there’s nothing that’s moving them forward except the lusts of life, which includes that of the eyes, flesh and that pf the pride of life. There’s no love involved in this kind of relationship, no kids, and no money even. A relation-wreckage has no true purpose. It is the result of an emergency, a ship wreck, so this partnership is usually useless, it has no long term benefits for both involved, so why even get involved? A wreckage has no anchor, well think about it, this little speck on the water has no captain, no lifeboat, no direction, no engine, no purpose, why should it have an anchor? You know?
Do you get where I’m going with this yet? If you haven’t guessed what type of relationship I am talking about yet, well, it’s a cheating relationship, it’s an affair, it’s a relationship with no strings attached and others you can think of. Are you in a relationship, a partnership, a purposeful relationship or are you in a relation-wreck? In the name of Living.in.Peace, which is the main umbrella of my channel, you see why a relationship is meant to be lived in peace, partners should be collaborating in moving their ships forward, while relying on God as their anchor in times of storms and struggles because they will come. If you’re currently in a relation-wreck, and you have no captain, no lifeboats, no direction, no engine, no anchor, my girl, my guy, you better get off and swim to safety. Take care of yourself first and board another ship when and only when you’re sure and ready to be someone else’s partner.
Thank you very much for staying with me till the end, I hope you’ve learnt something new today. That’s all for now you guys, I’m a lover of peace and I love talking about situations we might find ourselves in that need peaceful endings. Let’s stop giving ourselves high blood pressure for no reason as we live our lives. God willing, we are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs. Let’s not waste any of our precious time on matters that don’t help us positively in some way. Ask questions if you have any, don’t hesitate to leave a comment as well. Hoping to read from you awesome people very soon. Like this video by giving it a thumbs up. To get notified of new posts Subscribe now. Check out my suggested entries at the end of this one. Please, let’s love your neighbors as ourselves. Remember, to Rest.In.Peace, we all need to be Living.In.Peace, Stay blessed.